Words Construct Reality
- Kim Reindl
- Apr 7
- 6 min read
INTENSION: Connectedness
TOUCHSTONE:
Trust in Your Own Inner Teacher. Known by many names— Divine Spark, Voice of the Genuine, True Self—the soul can be understood as the place where your spirit and the Divine Spirit are conjoined. There is an authentic place of wisdom held within. Learn to listen to the strength and character of your own soul.
The Subtle Nature of Words
In February of this year, I attended my seasonal cohort retreat that is based in the work of Parker Palmer and The Center for Courage and Renewal.[1] The cohort members function as what is called a Circle of Trust. During the three-day retreat, one of the primary and most powerful parts of our time together is participation in a Clearness Committee. Clearness is a practice that comes out of the Quaker tradition. The process revolves around a group of people who commit to following a very intentional and thoughtful set of guidelines in order to hold space for one person (i.e., a focus person) to listen to the deepest and truest part of themselves (i.e., their inner teacher).
A few weeks before the retreat, I felt moved to be a focus person. There were some areas of my life within which I was feeling stuck. I knew that Clearness held the possibility of offering insight. Hence, I contacted my cohort leaders and asked if I could be a focus person.
That February would be the fourth time that I had been a focus person out of my six years within the cohort, which has consisted of 19 gatherings. Knowing that forming a solid question is an important part of the process, I contemplated my question during the days leading up to the retreat. When it was time to leave for the retreat weekend, I thought I had my question solidly formed.
The day before I left for the cohort retreat it occurred to me, “My question sounds familiar.” I ran upstairs to look in my journals and discovered that the question I had formed for my upcoming Clearness Committee was the exact same question I had asked one and a half years earlier. “Oh well,” I thought. “Like all good questions, this one is meant to be grappled with over time.” I went off to the cohort trusting that my question had more layers to reveal.
Over the day and a half of retreat time prior to my Clearness Committee, my question continued to take shape. Actually, during that day and a half, which included significant time for listening, reflection, and connection within community, my question actually shape shifted. It did not become a drastically different question. In fact, some may say that the question is the same. The difference, although subtle, was reflected in the word choice:
My original question was—"What is blocking me from moving forward?”
My final question became—"What part of me needs to be loved before I can move forward?”
The first question focuses on identifying what needs to be eliminated (i.e., removing something). The second question focuses on identifying what needs attention (i.e., loving something).
As a result of the new question, my Clearness brought much clarity. I walked away with an understanding of myself that I did not have a year and a half earlier. The words, “what needs to be loved” are generous words, compassionate words, words that invite tenderness and attention. I realized that the parts of me that were keeping me stuck actually needed attention, not elimination. I walked away with a much more tender and loving approach to myself that has brought opportunity for growth and transformation in the days since.
Words Have Power to Create
Don’t be conformed to the patterns of this world,
but be transformed by the renewing of your minds
so that you can figure out what God’s will is—
what is good and pleasing and mature.
—Romans 12:2 (CEB)
This scripture from the book of Romans instructs us to attend to the renewing of our minds. The verse warns us not to be conformed to the patterns of this world. Conformity to the patterns of the world reminds me of a concept I was introduced to when I was a graduate student in my early twenties. The concept is what is called the social construction of reality, which I first read about in Peter Berger and Thomas Luckmann’s landmark book on the subject. Simply put, the book proposes that our reality (i.e., the way we see and understand everything) is formed by our collective social understanding.[2] As stated in a 2024 article by Simply Psychology, “The social construction of reality is a theory that suggests that humans create their own understanding of reality, through their interactions and communications with others. This includes the way we see and interpret the world around us, as well as how we interact with others.”[3]. Furthermore, Berger and Luckmann write, “The world of everyday life is not only taken for granted as reality by the ordinary members of society in the subjectively meaningful conduct of their lives. It is a world that originates in their thoughts and actions, and is maintained as real by these.”[4]
Given this theory, it stands to reason that the words we use to approach life also have the power to form or create that life. What we express from our minds has the power to shape our reality. For example, when I chose to approach my Clearness question with words that were gracious and generous, what resulted was a safe and open inner dialogue that allowed valuable insight to emerge. After my time in Clearness, I felt hopeful. I emerged with greater compassion towards myself and greater understanding of the parts of me that lovingly needed to be attended to. The wording itself seemed to open a path for me that I do not think I would have reached otherwise.
We form what we see by the lens through which we see it. This is NOT to say that there are no objective realities. What this is to say is that we help form those realities through our thoughts about them. More specifically, we form, at least in part, our experiences of life through the words we use to interpret that life. This is why spiritual practices such as keeping a gratitude journal or engaging in daily examen are so powerful. When we name things we are grateful for and make note of such, we start noticing more things to be grateful for. When we name ways that God is present in our days, we start noticing more of the Divine Presence. We are changed by such practices. Suddenly the world is more gracious and God is more present. What we name becomes what we begin to see. In such cases, a previously dismal and hopeless world may open to us as a world of possibility and hope.
Inviting Words that Transform
Over the Weather*
Naomi Shihab Nye
We forget about the spaciousness
above the clouds
but it’s up there. The sun’s up there too.
When words we hear don’t fit the day,
when we worry
what we did or didn’t do,
what if we close our eyes,
say any word we love
that makes us feel calm,
slip it into the atmosphere
and rise?
Creamy miles of quiet.
Giant swoop of blue.
*From James Crews, How to Love the World: Poems of Gratitude and Hope.
Storey Publishing, 2021.
Naomi Shihab Nye’s poem “Over the Weather,” reminds me that there is spaciousness beyond our words…when the words we hear don’t fit the day. Sometimes I think, I’m tired of words (and that’s from someone who has always been a word person). Language can be so limiting, and yet we allow language to form our realities…how we see others, how treat others, how we see and treat ourselves.
If the words that express our thoughts have the power to form the realities within which we live, shouldn’t we be mindful of what we say? Shouldn’t we think of our words as we would an incantation, once spoken bringing a reality into existence? Shouldn’t we speak words that are life giving instead of death doling? What kind of world am I calling into existence for myself, for others, through my words?
When I think about the above poem, I can imagine a reality beyond the clouds…like air… that is not nothing, but something. Something that has not yet been spoken into existence. I can imagine, as the poem invites, choosing generous words, loving words, words that invoke peace, calm, and compassion where it seems that none exists. I can imagine speaking a word of love that helps me rise. I can imagine speaking words into reality like a spell, then lying back and rising up beyond the clouds into those giant swoops of life-giving blue.
With love and gratitude,
REGISTER NOW!
Relax, Renew, and Receive with Spiritual Practices
Connecting with Nature
Starting April 15th
REFERENCES:
[1] For more on the Courage and Renewal approach, please go to: https://couragerenewal.org/courage-renewal-approach/
[2] Berger, Peter, and Thomas Luckmann. The Social Construction of Reality. Anchor Books, 1966.
[3] Nickerson, Charlotte. “Social Construction of Reality,” Simply Psychology, February 11, 2024, https://www.simplypsychology.org/social-construction-of-reality.html
[4] Berger and Luckmann, 1966.
_edited.png)