Life is a Great Receiving

INTENSION: Possibility

TOUCHSTONE:

Know It Is Possible to receive whatever it is that you need. Each day, each encounter, and each situation offers an invitation into something new. Life is continuously unfurling. The seeds planted here can keep growing in the days ahead.

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When I read this touchstone, I am aware of a truth that I am learning,

a truth that my life keeps trying to teach me. That truth is this…

Life, at its core, is a great RECEIVING.

Learning It Is Possible, Yet Again

I am writing this now as I have taken a break from the events that began yesterday. Yesterday morning, as I was moving through my day, feeling pretty good about how the week was unfolding, thinking to myself, “I might actually have things done ahead of time this week,” the phone rang. It was my elderly mother. I could hear the desperation in her voice. “Kim,” she said. “The house is flooding. I stepped out of my bed and the water is over my feet. It's throughout the back of the house and is continuing down the hall!”

I won’t give you all the details of what followed, but I’m sure you can image. Essentially it involved me contacting Mom’s neighbors for immediate help, driving to my Mom’s home—she lives in the next town over—desperately moving items and furniture from the flow of the water, making phone calls in a search for direction, and preceding through several steps from pandemonium to a plan.

Unexpected crises never come (well, at least not in my experience) with the response, “This is a great time for this to happen! My schedule is clear! Emotionally, I’m in a great place! I have plenty of room for more stress in my life! Bring it on! I’m ready!” Usually my immediate response to a crisis moment is, “What the #@*&!!! Are you kidding me! I have _______, _________, and ________ going on! How in the #@*& is this going to work!”

As I stood in Mom’s house with soaking wet socks and drenched running shoes and with Mom pacing between piles of stuff gathered in each room, I had a panic moment. I remembered, “Oh no! I have to facilitate my group on Zoom this afternoon!” I immediately thought, “How can I do this?! I can’t do this!” I started texting to see if someone could cover for me. One of my co-facilitators was sick. The other two were traveling and could not be reached. A little while passed. My sister showed up at Mom’s house to help. As the start time of the Zoom gathering drew closer, I came to the realization, “I have to go home. I’ll have to facilitate the gathering.”

Funny thing, the day before the “flood,” I was racking my brain to remember a specific event of “knowing it is possible to received whatever it is that you need.” I wanted to use such as an illustration for this week’s article. I thought, something will come to mind. Stop thinking. Provide space and the right memory will emerge. What I was not expecting was for an experience of the truth of this Touchstone to take form the very next day!

As I was driving in the car back to my house to facilitate the group, I felt completely overwhelmed. Unexpected crises are always bad, but unexpected crises involving family, they are the worst! All the personalities… all the old triggers… all the things that bring out my least desirable self… that is what shows up for me in a FAMILY crisis! As for facilitating, I thought, “This is going to be rough. Oh well. They are a very forgiving group. I just hope I can be present enough to offer facilitation that is not distracting and disjointed. Hopefully someone will get something out of this.” When I arrived home, one of my co-facilitators had responded to my earlier text and offered to step in. Yet, since I was already home, I felt like I should go ahead and do it. Also, from somewhere deep inside, there was this little voice that said, this time may be just what you need. So, I declined his offer and committed myself to trusting in the possibility of what was before me.

I joined the Zoom 30 minutes before our start time to meet with my facilitation partner who was handling the technical aspects of the gathering. I immediately shared with him what had been going on in my life that day. How my mind and heart were elsewhere, but I was going to do my best. As he listened, something started to shift in me. He graciously offered to facilitate, even though he had never yet done so with this group. With his generous offer, I was able to say, “Thank you, but I think I’m good. This seems to be where I need to be and what I need to be doing right now. I’m truly stepping into the space as I am, with all that I’m carrying, and that seems to be OK.” With that, something even more spacious opened in me. The longer he and I shared and listened with one another, even on screens, the more my heart, mind, and body released from a state of bracing.

What happened in the hour of group time that followed was an unexpected gift. The thing that I did not think I could do, became the exact thing that I needed to do. As I facilitated, I was able to share parts of my day with those gathered. Again, as I shared what I was holding and others listened to me, my body, heart, and mind softened. It was one of the smoothest facilitation experiences I have ever had with this group. As I trusted the process with vulnerability and leaned into the possibility of the moment, everything flowed seamlessly. I walked away feeling refreshed, seen, and more able to meet what was being required of me with my mom’s situation. (I also learned some more things about vulnerable and transparent facilitation.) I experienced, once again, that it is possible to receive what it is that you need.

Receiving is Countercultural

It seems that there is deep wisdom in the understanding that life itself is a gift. It really is a miracle that we exist at all. We did not bring ourselves into existence, and we do not sustain our existence. Yes, of course, our decisions and our actions do impact our life and the lives of others, but we are not the givers of life, and we are not the sustainers of it. If we forget this, it doesn't take long for something to remind us that life itself is beyond our control. Despite all our “efforting,” something will inevitably happen to wake us from that grand illusion. Despite all our best planning and preparing, or even lack thereof… whether it be a house flood, an illness, a death, financial uncertainty, natural disaster, a broken relationship, a job loss, a worldwide pandemic, or national insecurity... given enough time, something will come along to shake our world and make us at least question our illusion of certainty and control.

Each time this happens we stand at the threshold of a new frontier. The question then becomes, “How will I respond?” Will I dig in my heels, attempt to counter the circumstances with even greater control, become more rigid in my beliefs and more committed to my efforts... OR... this time, will I release myself into the mystery of life itself and know that it is possible to receive the things that I need the most?

When we stand at that threshold, facing uncertainty, we are offered a profound invitation. The invitation is to walk forward into a place of surrender. I am invited to leave behind my need for control, and enter into a place of receiving, otherwise known as faith. Such faith is grounded in a belief that my life and life itself is sustained by a power greater than me.

Surrender... it seems... at least within American culture... is the most countercultural of all the spiritual practices. We live in a culture that teaches us that everything we achieve is due to our own efforts. Especially those of us who are born with certain advantages, are seduced by the idea that as long as we follow a particular script, life will be all that we dream it to be. We have been taught that our futures and our possibilities depend on ourselves. A good life is up to us! As long as we do things right, our destiny is in our control.

I'm beginning to think that this is why, as found in the Christian scriptures, Jesus proclaims that the blessed are not the rich and the powerful, but rather those who are on the fringes of society like the poor, the hungry, and the persecuted. Perhaps this is because they already know that the outcomes of life are not an end sum game based on their own efforts. Those on the fringes seem to know how to live a life that is outside of the illusion of control. This is not to say that they must simply sit back and accept the injustices of the world as they know it, but rather to say that those who lack power in society are more likely to know, firsthand, that life itself is not a reality of their own making.

There are many layers to this that could be further analyzed and broken down, yet such is not the point of this reflection. What is of interest here is the idea that life is not simply a result of our efforts. Perhaps the fullness of life is found NOT in one’s ability to achieve, but rather, in one’s ability to receive.

The Freedom of Receiving

When we live with the belief that it is possible to receive what it is that we need, not because we must make it happen, but rather because grace is real and goodness exists, we are no longer gripped by the need to effort our own lives into being. To strive for life is to believe that everything that comes to us is a result of our own effort. To receive life is to open to mystery and possibility as a gracious gift.

I am learning more and more that what matters most in this life is already mine, and that a key part of my journey is learning how to receive it. Such is rooted in a belief that I am already intimately connected with the Divine, the source of life itself, not because of who I am or what I do, but because of the truth of all that is Ultimate (i.e., who God is). I also believe that through that same Divine connection, I am connected with everything that is, was, and is to come. Through these connections—connections that open me to life, love, and possibility—I am invited to step into the flow of life. I am invited to offer what is mine to give, playing my part in mending what has become broken, and healing what has become distorted within this world.

Fr. Richard Rohr says when in this place of Divine connection, our illusions of and preoccupations with the “smaller self,” the self that we have worked to create or achieve, fall away. He says, “In this place, we notice how much the suffering of the world is our suffering. We become committed to this world, not cerebrally, but from the much deeper perspective of our soul. At this point, we’re indestructible, because in that place we find the peace that the world cannot give. We don’t need to win anymore; we just need to do what we have to do.”[1]

If I accept that my life is not completely of my own making, and that much of life is both grace and gift waiting to be received, then my life becomes a process of both receiving and releasing. When I believe in possibility, I trust that I don’t have to orchestrate every bit of life for myself. I can do what is mine to do and release myself into the possibility of others doing the same. I can relax. I can soften. I can trust in a generosity and grace that comes from the goodness of others, the beauty of the world around me, and the mystery of all that is beyond my understanding. When I believe that it is possible to receive what it is that I need, like the seeds beneath the winter’s earth, I trust… I trust that what sustains me is already mine and that I too can sprout and grow, bud and bloom.

With love and gratitude,

Practices of Receiving >

[1] Fr. Richard Rohr, Center of Action and Contemplation, “Discerning What is Ours to Do: Contemplation and Right Action,” August 22, 2022; https://cac.org/daily-meditations/contemplation-and-right-action-2022-08-22/